Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize