I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
