i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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