Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
tell me about the eggs
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
