and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize