let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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