I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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