Who wears a wallet chain?!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
