Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
