how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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