While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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