i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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