that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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