you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize