I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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