2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
