Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
