I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
