ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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