I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
