your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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