Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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