I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
