i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
