tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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