just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
