you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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