Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
