If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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