we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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