Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
