i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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