I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
