She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
