you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
