You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
