The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
