the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
