awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
