ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
