In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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