It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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