we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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