I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
