oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
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