You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
