I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
