Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
