I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
