woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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