You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
