No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
