while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
