Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Randomize
