K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
