If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
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