i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
