ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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