my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
