That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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