I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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