so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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