He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
