tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
