Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Randomize