im having a threesome with these popsicles
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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