wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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