so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
