and you said cock pushups were impossible
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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