Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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